As I observe the lives of my female friends, at times becoming privy to more secrets than I bargain for, it strikes me how some (or probably quite a few) women follow Thumbelina’s footsteps in their quest for partner.
After the wind blows Thumbelina off the windowsill where she is comfortably dwelling inside a flower, she first ends up with the Toad – the wrong guy for her from all perspectives. He is an egoistic manipulator forcing his choices on her with the sole objective to brag about his pretty wife to other toads. He effectively keeps her in captivity because she cannot swim away from the water lily leaf where he put her up. Real life women too often wind up first with totally wrong dudes.
The jolly Beetle helps Thumbelina forget the grievances of living on a damp pond with sleazy amphibians. He's the ultimate party buddy. With him, life is a beach and sex is great too but after a while incessant frolicking may wear out most women. When Thumbelina shows first signs of party fatigue, Beetle’s jaunty buddies expel her, also because they come to realize that she is in fact not their kind, a random stranger in their world of drugs, sex and rock’n’roll.
Harsh realities of life come in the form of winter. Homeless and penniless, Thumbelina trundles wearily through frost and wind until breathless she falls into Field Mouse’s warm and cosy burrow. Field Mouse is a common sense advisor. She goes for safe pragmatic choices for herself and people around her. If your perspective never goes beyond a comfortable ordinary life, then you probably be better off following her sensible judgement. She means well, it is just that her perspective does not stretch beyond the tops of wheat stalk on her field. Field Mouse decides to fix Thumbelina up with Mole.
Mole is rich if stingy; he has a shiny fur coat and is widely respected for his business acumen and vast assets. He figures that Thumbelina is a good investment as she can’t possibly eat much but will be a perfect accessory to his affluence. Thumbelina is not happy with him but he provides security and shelter to weather out the winter. Her spiritual needs are satisfied through taking care of a sick Swallow who she shares her meagre half-a-grain-a-day ration with. Giving nurtures hearts and help them stay pure and warm through life’s hardships.
When the spring comes, Thumbelina’s rough patch is over. She is free to go but does not know where to until she asks Swallow. Thumbelina’s goodness of heart is rewarded with a true advisor who knows what her heart needs. Swallow flies high and sees things from a broader perspective. She knows there is more to the world than cosy lives in warm holes.
Thumbelina summons enough courage to leave the security of her life with Mole and fly away on Swallow’s back. Making up your own mind and taking decisions is very important to your true progress. No amount of advisors’ wisdom can bring change into your life, it is your courage and action that does that. Plunging into uncertainty can be scary but it offers an infinity of possibilities while staying in your comfort zone provides only safety that one day will kill you.
Thumbelina’s dive into the cold high sky on Swallow’s back takes her to the end of her journey. Finally she is rewarded for all her trials and tribulations. She’s had enough guts not to get stuck with the Mr. All-Wrong for good, nor to party her life away with Mr. Jolly Frolic. She was wise enough to put the Survival Advisor’s directions behind her when it was not about survival any more. She withstood the temptation to sell herself out for a carefree existence as a lady of leisure with Mr. Tight-Wad. Her ultimate reward is a man after her own heart, the Prince of Elves, the one that was meant for her, someone who shares her values and will always understand her because he is her own kind. It is a real happily-ever-after end because here we have a match of true kindred souls.
How many real life women never make it this far. How many drag miserable existence thinking there are no other guys around but their abusive Mr. All-Wrong. How many fritter or even ruin their lives in hedonistic excesses with Jolly Bugs. And how even more settle down for a life in a golden cage with loaded Moles because they fulfil their material desires or because Survival Advisors tell them that it’s the most sensible thing to do. But those who take time and effort to cultivate their hearts and keep them open to the wisdom of True Advisors and – most importantly – those who manage to put safety past them and plunge into uncertainty listening only to what their intuition – the Ultimate True Advisor – tells them, find their Soul Mate.
It was Russian Silver Age philosopher Berdyaev who said that Russian women love Russian men out of pity. National archetypes are best represented in folklore. The Russian fairy tale Vasilissa the Wise is one where the stereotype of Russian male-female relationship is expressed in an allegorical form.
Her husband keeps getting various impossible tasks from the Tsar. Every time Ivanushka come back home lost at how to cater to yet another royal whim, his frog-wife reassures him she will take care of it. Whilst he is asleep, she turns into a witch lady and gets down to business of accomplishing all kinds of impossible feats such as baking a pie enough to feed a thousand or weave a silk carpet overnight. In the morning she turns back into a frog and creeps back into the padded box where she is kept while Ivanushka takes off to the court for another string of praise and accolades from the Tsar. When royal favour runs out, Ivanushka gets another task and the circle repeats.
The situation is not helped by the centuries-old reality of constant warfare and social cataclysms that has resulted in a female-to-male ratio of 13 to 10. With the average lifespan of 54 years for men and 72 years for women, perspectives of a happy family life for Russian women are, mildly put, bleak. Russian men are spoilt for choice and have no incentive to perform. Gender emancipation of the Soviet times also ensured a nearly equal female participation in the work force as well as easier sexual accessibility than in other traditional societies. The perceived social value of women is thus rather low.
