Wednesday 6 August 2008

Where Has All The Spunk Gone?


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Last weekend Gay Pride came to town. In Amsterdam it is a canal parade. Zonked out attention- seekers in skimpy underwear, bored looking drag queens and an occasional fag hag jadedly bobbed to the rhythm of blaring techno as the overloaded boats slowly passed under the low-hanging medieval bridges.

Year in, year out same feather boas, blue wigs and sequinned boxers are dusted out for the Canal Parade. Ostensibly a gay right empowerment event, in reality it is one worldwide gay meat market, a sure fat chance to exchange bodily liquids with someone new. There is not much going on except for beer guzzling, blowing, snorting, shagging and overpriced disco nights with the same mind-numbing music from the 90s that is supposed to be gay favourite. Even the anchorman on the local Amsterdam TV station that actually bothered to broadcast the tired fest in its entirety kept asking, 'Why has it become so lame?'



Indeed, why? If a specially organized once-a-year event is so jaw-dislocatingly boring, the rest of the year is even less inspiring. Bar proprietors blame the Euro and the net. New currency doubled the cost of going out and online dating services took over the social routine of mixing and mingling with real people. These days you can land a lay with a click of the mouse for the price of your monthly ADSL subscription that in Amsterdam is about what you pay for five Baccardi Breezers.


It may also be that when being gay has stopped being political it took away the fizz of being different and having to stand up for your rights. Now it just boils down to the same old shag. After all sex is the only thing that unites the so-called gay community.



Trying to compete with Gaydar and Chatboy.nl, all Amsterdam's gay discos have installed cruising facilities, so nowadays a lot of action takes place on the premises. The icing of the going-out cake has become the cake itself. You do not need to socialize, dance around, stay on the prowl - you can just go upstairs, pounce, shoot and go back home. The chasing has been removed from the chase, all is left is the shortcut to ejaculation. The energy that used to go into dancing and having a good time now goes directly on sex. Dance clubs offering easy solutions for the punters have morphed into semen-exchanging facilities.


Amsterdam gay night life has become as flaccid as a post-coital penis. There is no need for it to stay hard all night. It gets spent before anything starts.

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There actually is a number of ways to boost your sexual drive with food. I have collected some free tips about aphrodisiac food. Please have a read and let me know what you think!

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