Sunday 1 March 2009

Voices


Sometimes it seems that all I have left are voices. Voices in my computer. They listen to me, react to what I say, offer their advice. We discuss things, sometimes have arguments. I try make them understand and I guess they think they do but they really don't. I can't help feeling that they have all failed me. VOIP (Internet-based telephony) is great but what's the use of talking now.

It is really my fault they don't have bodies any more. I've kept running from them for years, putting seas and mountains and thousands of miles between us. I was trying to find myself and a perfect place where I would fit but it turns out there is none. All these years I was waiting for the voices to speak to me, speak love I have been looking for but it never came to pass.

But really, the only voice I still have to listen to is hunger. Hunger is my saviour. It's the only force that drives me to get up and do things. Otherwise I would just stay in bed day and night until somebody finds my decomposed corpse. But my hunger takes on very sophisticated forms I have to go through some very convoluted motions to satisfy it. Hunger keeps me alive.


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